By Buzz Osborne of Melvins; art by Melvins on January 10, 2014
THE HIGH POINT OF OUR CAREER
Being able to do whatever the fuck I want all the time. Not having a boss is a real plus and worth suffering for.
THE LOW POINT OF OUR CAREER
The tour we tried to do in 1986. We vowed to never do another and we didn’t for years. In 1986, the United States was filled with skinheads who had no interest in our long-haired bullshit and they violently made sure we understood that at every turn. At that point, I didn’t see much difference between them and the cops, really. Believe it or not, the cops didn’t like us either. The funny thing is, five years later, those same skinheads had long hair and were wearing Sub Pop T-shirts. The cops, however, have mostly stayed the same. We did a few more tours like that where we played to audiences of foaming-at-the-mouth idiots who couldn’t wait to get us offstage, but that was only when we opened for other bigger bands like Gwar, White Zombie and Nine Inch Nails, to name a few. Jesus, the idea that you could be
so stupid that you would want to get us out of the way
so you could see fucking Rob Zombie even sooner is
beyond comprehension. .
THE FUNNIEST THING A JOURNALIST EVER WROTE ABOUT US
Who knows… Journalist stupidity never ceases to amaze. Usually if it's a bad review all you have to do is look at the good reviews they write about really crappy bands and it all becomes clear.
WHEN THE JOURNALISTS GOT IT RIGHT
By and large, we get favorable press and I couldn’t be happier in that regard. I assume most rock writers won’t get us at all even if they’re trying to be positive so I don’t worry about that aspect much. As long as they’re being positive who cares if they get it?
BEST SHOW EVER
Playing with the Big Business guys is always a treat. There really is nothing like standing on stage with two powerhouse drummers and a bad-ass bass player who can sing lead. We had a good show in Memphis at the Scion Festival this year. If you saw that show and hated it, then you just hate our band because we played really well.
WORST SHOW EVER
Lord knows what our worst show was. Probably opening for bands like I talked about earlier. Headlining shows are all pretty good for the most part, but you never know. If the club sucks or you’re sick, it can make a lot of potentially good things bad.
WHEN WE KNEW WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT AS A BAND
I’m still wondering about that. When will we make it? I don’t even know what that means. I politely refuse free drugs from people all the time, so I guess that accounts for something in the “make it” department. People like you guys are interested in us, and that accounts for even more. People still come to our shows all over the world and I do nothing except worry about music in one form or another 24/7…all good.
THE BEST SONG WE EVER WROTE
“Billy Fish” is one of my favorites. It all came together really well. I love the backwards guitar riff played on the drums. Ha!
HOW WE’RE MOST LIKELY TO BE REMEMBERED
We will be a footnote, at best, in a long history of forgotten footnotes. We’ve never sold any albums on a mega scale, which explains a lot. As time goes on, our importance in rock history will fade, but who cares? Like trusty Jim Morrison said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna get my kicks before the whole shit house goes up in flames.” Now, when will the “shit house” go up in flames? Unfortunately, Jim never told us…anybody got a Ouija board?
HOW WE’D LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED
Honestly, once I’m gone, I couldn’t give a shit. People like Andrew Carnegie spent almost their whole fucking lives building up huge fortunes that they themselves could never hope to spend and then, during their twilight years, they built libraries and music halls and other bullshit in order to be perceived as something other than total bastards, which they were and they will remain bastards no matter what they build. It’s called philanthropy… My only question is, “Why?” Why the fuck did he work so hard in the first place? I’m not going to have to worry about philanthropy.
This article is from FILTER Issue 54